The tangibility of realistic character growth

Life isn’t theme based. I can’t trace character growth, the complexity of my motives and learn some existential message. I wish I could physically trace each moment in my life, so I could measure at least some character growth. But it feels like each day is the same and I am unable to distinguish me yesterday and me tomorrow. Who is this person who stares back at me in the reflection and why does she seem exactly the same yet an entirely different person. Who are you?

Sometimes I like to blame it on some mental health issue but deep down I know its just me. I have to take ownership for the pain I feel and subsequently the pain I inflict on those around me through emotional outbursts. I was wondering the other day if people suffering emotionally or with mental health issues every really get better. Like with most physical illnesses there is a sickness and a treatment and the ideal outcome is a healthy body and homeostasis. But with mental illness, how is the struggle measured? And how can we definitively say someone has “gotten better.” These are the questions I aspire to answer in my career with psychology. I want to ease this everyday pain, the pain we so strongly feel but don’t know why.