daydreams delusions distractions

Imagine being obsessed, thinking it’s love. And then seeing that person with two people doing things you thought they would do to you. The betrayal. The pain. It makes no sense because this person isn’t yours. They don’t even know you. But then you’re at your friends birthday party, one that you weren’t invited to. So why are you there. It’s towards the end, and everyone is talking about how fun it was, and you’re just feeling confused, empty, lost. And then there’s nothing, you wake up angry. It never happened. But then you realize your friend’s birthday is in February and the dream took place in August. This friend is one of your best, so you know the scenario never would have happened. So that was the sign that you were dreaming. My dream, my reality, I realized but it was too late. It was gone and I was present. I left my subconscious in a world of my accidental creation. Pure creation. Perhaps that is dreaming. Nothing but hopes, fears, desires. But if freedom is defined as a state without hopes and fears, that how can one say dreams are liberating. I’ve been consumed by paranoia lately, but I can’t pinpoint the source. I was dreaming and then dreaming again, and I couldn’t help but think about Inception. Totems are physical objects that help the dreamer dissociate reality from a dream world consciousness. Chess piece, dice, spinner. Touch, feel. But my “totem” was another scenario, with the guise of dream within a nightmare. Both were unfavorable, but one was known to be not true, and if we’re playing a matching game, then both must have never happened. I’m confused but it makes sense.